Friday, 19 February 2010

Puddle thinking

Imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, “This is an interesting world I find myself in, an interesting hole I find myself in, fits me rather neatly, doesn’t it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!”
This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it’s still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything’s going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for.

(Douglas Adams)

Monday, 18 May 2009

WINE!!!

Bernard Old wine is good wine.
Manny: Yes. But expensive wine is good wine also.
Bernard Yes. But the older the wine is, the gooder it is.
Manny Ah but by the same token, the more expensive the wine, then the gooder it is also.
Bernard (looking at the wine) Look at the colours.
Manny Yeah.
Bernard All the colours. Well... yellow.
Manny This is like... a... a farmyard... of wine.
Bernard It's like looking into the eye of a duck.
Manny And sucking all the fluid from its beak.

SNNAAAKE!

Snake: War has changed.

Snake: Our time has ended.

Snake: Our war is over.

Campbell: Since the Manhattan incident, restrictions on military intervention in foreign countries have eased, fueling demand for mercenaries.

Campbell: Today, the world's wars depend largely on PMCs, private military companies whose business includes supplying these mercenaries.

Campbell: PMCs have become a serious threat to the world.

Snake: The U.S. has exported too much of its military power. Now she's paying the price.

Campbell: In total, they've got enough manpower to rival the U.S. military.

Campbell: Based on our investigation, the five largest PMCs are run by a dummy corporation, which acts as a single mother company.

Snake: And the mother company...?

Campbell: Outer Heaven.

Snake: The one world in which soldiers will always have a place....

Friday, 15 May 2009

Black Books Series 1, Episode 2: Manny's First Day


Bernard: Alrighty. What did you order?
Manny: Lager.
Bernard: I got you... crème de menthe. Ok, here it is - I like you a lot, Gerald... Samantha...
Manny: Manny...
Bernard: Manny. That's the one. I like you a lot.
Manny: Oh thanks very much, you're not so bad yourself (pats Bernard on the arm)
Bernard: Don't touch my arm. And uhh... where have you gone?
Manny: I'm here. You're looking at me.
Bernard: Oh right. Yeah. So... what do you want?
Manny: You mentioned something about a job.
Bernard: What would I have to do?
Manny: No, uh, in the bookshop.
Bernard: But I already work in a bookshop! Do you have anything... in an aquarium?
Manny: Er, no... for me.
Bernard: Oh yeah, right, of course. Sorry sorry sorry sorry. Of course. Right. (to an old woman walking past the table) You leaving, Manny?
Manny: No that's the old woman.
Bernard: Bernard Black. (Offers his hand)
Manny: Manny. (They shake hands)
Bernard: So. What do you want?
Manny: You mentioned a job.
Bernard: What would I have to do?
Manny: For me.
Bernard: Oh yes yes yes of course. Very simple, very simple. Here we go. Do you want a job?
Manny: Great, yes.
Bernard: What's great? What? What?